the birth of my baby

It’s 13 days since I gave birth and if I don’t write about it soon, I will most likely forget. You see, I actually don’t have a complete memory of what happened on that day but I will try to tell you what I remember so here it goes…

Warning: some details might be considered gross and this post is unedited…mistakes (like misspelled words and wrong grammar) might occur several times in the entire post–i’ve not time to edit.

On June 14th, I had my regular weekly check up at my private gynecologist’s clinic and learned that my amniotic fluid is low. My gynecologist told me that labor should start soon otherwise; it will be started with the help of induction. He told me to give it a night and if no labor happens, I should go directly at my appointed hospital the following morning. No labor happened on the night of the 14th so on the 15th; my husband and I went directly to the hospital. I got a regular round of check up and after that my doctor decided that it’s really time to get the baby out. So at 1pm on the 15th, I was officially admitted and I received a thing called PROPESS. It is like a tape containing prostaglandin— a natural compound that induces labor—and this tape was inserted in my vagina. It is supposed to help my cervix ripen and when that happens, labor is supposed to start. Then I also received an Enema—a thing that will clear your colon of bowels. I didn’t like it but they told me that it should help the baby to “drop” because he’ll get more space. So, okay I said. They gave it to me and after 10 minutes, I needed to run to the toilet and I spent a good 30 minutes in there. I took a warm shower after that and went back to the delivery room where my husband, my doctor, and my two midwives were waiting. I thought, now we are ready to get the baby out but that was not the case. My doctor told me that it’s done. I should just wait for my natural labor to start. He said, I could do pretty much anything until then so I put my regular clothes back on then my husband and I went to have a drink in the cafeteria and right after that, we went to have a walk in the hospital’s park. Everything felt quite normal until 4pm. That was when I felt my hips getting heavier and my back getting more and more painful.

prepared to receive my labor induction--PROPESS. my baby is delivered on this very same delivery bed.

It was around 6pm when I felt real labor pains coming in. It was painful but still bearable so my husband and I continued taking walks until 8pm but with some breaks in between. After eating my dinner, I couldn’t walk anymore so I lay in my hospital bed with my husband sitting on a chair beside me.

my husband and i taking a break from walking. taken at the hospital's park.

Husbands/visitors are not allowed to stay in the hospital overnight but I didn’t like my husband to go home. They told me, it will still take some time until I go into active labor (when I reach 10cm dilation) so my husband can go home and they will just give him a call when that happens. He should be back before the baby is out. But I was in so much pain, I could not stand it alone and I felt that everything is much easier if I have my husband there beside me so my husband talked to the hospital’s personnel again for a solution. They then told my husband that he can stay in the visitor’s room, there’s a couch in there he can sleep in. Since visiting hours are over, he can have the room by himself. Mothers in labor in this hospital are queens, that means, all their wishes are granted so when I asked them that I would like to be lying next to my husband, they rolled my hospital bed in to the visitor’s room and placed it beside the couch where my husband is supposed to sleep in.

Then when the sleeping arrangements were settled, they gave me a sleeping pill and they told me that it should help me get some sleep through the labor pains. Unfortunately though, it didn’t help at all.  The labors were too strong that it was impossible for me to sleep through them. After 30 minutes in the visitor’s room, I couldn’t stand the labor pains anymore. They say, every woman has a different way of handling the labor pains—some scream, some curse, some sweat, some cry—in my case, I tremble and moan. It was around 11pm when they rolled my hospital bed to the delivery room and put me on the delivery bed. I was only 4cm dilated so I still have to wait some time. Around this time, they removed the PROPESS they inserted in my vagina earlier because according to them, the labor should continue on its own.  They told me to relax so I have the energy to push later. Ha! Like I can! I thought that was ridiculous but I didn’t say it out loud. Instead, I asked them to give me something to get me through the pain. They gave me an IV drug that, according to my husband, put me to coma as soon as they inserted the needle in my wrist. I remember sleeping in between labor pains but immediately waking up as soon as the next labor pain hits. It didn’t really help me relax at all because the labor pains are so close to each other so I was like waking up-sleeping-waking up-sleeping. I felt that it made me more tired. From 11pm to 3am, they tried everything to hasten the labor. They gave me acupuncture, homeopathic drugs, acupressure, massage, and so on. I really don’t know if these things helped but around 3am, I was fully dilated and was ready to push.

This is when all hell broke loose.

I know I should push like I do when I am making a poop. I learned that from my birth preparation course. I also know the proper way of breathing—I also learned that beforehand.  BUT for some reason, I sort of forgot everything.  Maybe it was the extreme pain but I was really doing it all wrong. I was pushing but the pressure was not on my bottom but on my face and neck. I was breathing but not deep and relaxed—it was more like panting. I had two doctors, two midwives, a nurse, and my husband there. Everybody was encouraging me to push with all my might. Everybody was praising me for trying. It was a very long and tiring process and I really don’t remember everything. Maybe it was the pain or maybe it was the drug they gave me but until now, I only have fragments, sort of like short episodes, of the whole thing. I can’t tell the whole story so every time I am asked about it, I just tell them to ask my husband for a complete story because he was there from start to end and he didn’t sleep one second so he didn’t miss anything.

I remember some things though. One was, they inserted a catheter to let some urine out to create more space for the baby. That was painful but nothing compared to the labor pains.  Another one was, they gave me an intensely sweet syrup to give me some energy. Then another one was, I got a black out at some point. It happened during pushing. See, in every labor pain, you can push three times. The midwives will sort of coach you when to push, to stop, and to push again. So I was in the middle of a labor…every body was telling me to push with everything I got… I pushed once really hard, then again with everything I got. Right after the second push, I was gone.

I guess they didn’t notice until they didn’t feel me pushing the third time. My husband told me that at this very moment, my eyes were wide open, glassy, and lifeless.  He said it lasted for less than a minute. He was there holding my hand and calling out my name but it was the midwife who tapped me gently on the face.   I remember “coming back”. I remember slowly hearing voices around me again and most importantly, I remember feeling the next labor pain.  I can’t tell how long it still took after that. All I know is that at some point, I managed to push my baby out.

Later on, I learned some other details from my husband. He told me that I prayed in between labor. He told me that I prayed and asked for a little bit of help and energy to push my baby out.  He told me too, that one of the midwives helped me dilate faster by pushing the cervix wider with her fingers during one of my labor pains. The same midwife helped me push the baby out by applying pressure on my belly.  He also told me that the one of the doctor asked us if we signed a document allowing them to apply an epidural (an anesthesia and analgesia injected in spine) because they thought it was time to give me one but my husband said no (but actually we did sign that document). Then he also told me that I begged the medical team to cut me open in any way so they can get the baby out easier.

Anyway, when the baby was out, they immediately rush him out of the room. I didn’t hear the baby cries. I just got a glimpse of him as they take him out of the room—he was covered in something grayish.  I remember asking my husband… “Where are they taking him?” My husband told me that they will just give him oxygen. I was alarmed but a minute later; they pulled my hospital gown all the way up to my neck and placed my baby on my breasts. By this time, he was already crying mightily. They pulled a sheet over my baby and me and I tried to hush him gently and warm him by pulling him closer to me. It was the most touching moment of my life EVER. My husband was there beside us…crying and kissing the baby and me.

my baby just a few minutes old. this is when they gave him to me. he was just wrapped in towels.

For me it ended there but for the medical team, their work continued. I remember hazily how one of the midwives coached me to push one more time for the expulsion of my baby’s placenta. Then they cleaned me down there so one of the doctors can sew me back up. I remember feeling the pain of being stitched but it was nothing compared to what I just been through and around this time, nothing is important to me anymore than the baby in my arms.

after a few minutes with my baby, they took him again to be cleaned and clothed. they let my husband do this job while they watch and assist him.

Giving birth is such an experience that is very unique. The kind where in you can lose all your dignity—I mean, you poop and pee (I did) and your privates are blatantly exposed for the medical team (basically strangers) to see but it does not matter.  You won’t feel shame and nobody in there will make you feel ashamed. It’s like all the grossness is part of something completely very natural and is nothing to be ashamed about. During the entire process, all you care about is getting the baby out safe and the moment you have the baby in your arms, the pain you’ve been through is not forgotten but you’ll feel that every single pain is worth it.

my baby and i happily cuddling in the maternity ward. finally i was out of the delivery room and now back in my hospital bed.

Tagged as: birth, delivery, labor induction, pregnancy